Samyak&#039;s Blog

Imposter’s Syndrome?

Posted on October 30, 2020October 30, 2020 by Samyak

Sometime around late August, I picked up a project which was by far the most daunting one I’ve ever done. Even before publishing it out in the open air, my apprehensions were skyrocketing. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I nervously tried to edit my article for probably like the 50th time.

I picked up a topic that was not only new to me, but something which has scared the shit out of me throughout my life. I have profound childhood memories of those green and red index numbers marqueeing on the TV screen as good-looking reporters blabbered things in English which was incomprehensible to me, even till an year ago or so. The channel? CNBC-TV18.

Ever since my interest in finance and business sparked sometime in the late 2019/early 2020, I’ve been trying to make sense of how stock markets function. I’ve been (not so) guilty to not have spent too much time on this side of the fence, because I’ve been busy exploring the world of tech products even before that. Everything around technology still remains my greater fascination.

But still, it was quite an adventurous deal to research on a news clipping deeply enough that you could write an article on it. I wrote this article for FreeLunch explaining why the stock markets haven’t been mirroring the economic condition of the country, even if that’s what usually expected of the markets.

Now, before it goes stale or outdated or wrong, I want to share this article and get the weight off my shoulders! The markets have been on a correction for like 5 days, but are still showing an overall growth trend. Let’s see what happens… 🤞

Do let me know how do you like it, even if you have the slightest idea of the field whatsoever. It should be a fun discussion, I promise!

The title of this post captures my fears. It may as well be a fact that I might be an imposter. I haven’t spent too much time in the game, unlike my father, who has spent more than 20-25 years exploring the nuances of businesses and funds.

In the end, I just wanted to have some fun. After all, that’s what matters in the end, doesn’t it?

Lemme get back on those assignments I’ve been procrastinating on, while we all wait for a vaccine.

Take care!

100 Days to 2021

Posted on September 24, 2020September 24, 2020 by Samyak

So, I’ve been really busy lately with a lot of things. Most of them are around schoolwork and hunt for internships.

September would probably be the first month since the start of this blog, when I won’t post anything: I said to myself, sadly. Habits are hard to break, you see, good or bad. And when you’re on a roll, it’s hard as well as bitter to go away, just like that.

But then again, I thought: what if I could post about what’s going on in my life, more like a status update instead of a well-thought post. So, here I am, taking 5 minutes off my schedule and doing just that.

As always, I find it a bit uncomfortable sharing the specifics of what I’m upto; all I can say is: it’s just a lot of things. Some of you might know, rest of you would have no clue whatsoever. I’ll let you know in due time, most probably.

Also, I just got reminded from a Reddit post which said that we only have 100 days before the New Year 2021 (you’ve been waiting for it, no?). That’s probably a little sad and exciting at the same time. Sad because most of us barely went anywhere but between rooms of our closed homes, in this weird time of lockdown. At the same time, it’s exciting because we are hoping for better things to come. You see, it’s the hope of things, not the things themselves, which excite us. Because once you get that thing, the rush is over.

I have a lot of things in my head. My head’s going to explode with all those ideas in the shower. I try and keep a note of most of them. Also, I observed that I get these ideas when I’m trying to avoid them the most, for I know I won’t have the time to attend to them. Kind of funny, really.

I have probably spent 10 minutes instead of the intended 5 over this post. A lot of new things coming up, I assure ya’. For now, though, I gotta scoot. I only have 100 days for this year. It has been great for me, so far.

Take care of yourself while I try to make things for myself even better.

And if you really want to take something away from this post, here’s it. Make resolutions for the next 100 days. Use habit tracking apps or bullet journals to track your progress. Don’t make overambitious goals, but keep them challenging. Stop kidding me, you should always have enough time for yourself.

I’m sticking to completing my 2020 New Year’s Resolutions and doing all the work that I have at hand. After all, that’s all I can possibly do.

Till then,
Breathe

Experiences, Experiments

Half Time: 6 months of 2020

Posted on July 18, 2020 by Samyak

I’ll start off with some good news – we’re already more than halfway through 2020! Doesn’t that sound good?

Well, to be very frank (only to be pelted stones at my face once this lockdown BS winds down), this year has been pretty good for me, so far, in aggregate. There are not many good things have happened with me, but I managed to fix a lot of things on the way!

In a gist, so far, this year was falling into a really dark place, trying to keep shit together, coming out of the burrow, making new friends, talking to old ones and having some cool achievements on the way.

Sure thing, this year has been a rollercoaster ride so far. And let’s face it; we are not sure when will this ride end. There’s simply no mercy for you, even if feel like puking halfway through. But there are some ideas which stuck with me, sourced from here and there, which have really made this year much more… tolerable…

Life is unfair.
Life is bloody short.
It’s often better to be selfish.
It’s better to just minimize losses, if making profits is impossible.
There are only a few things that require your attention, and there are a hell lot more that crave for it.

Here’s a screenshot of my ongoing list of New Year’s Resolutions (not kidding, I’m still sticking with it!).

*(You might want to check out some gawky footnotes in the original post.)*

There was a lot of thought put behind this list. I’d sound like a madman but I did put in some solid days of research to plan them in such a way that I realize these resolutions, so that I can put this out into the world and thump my chest like a scrawny version of King Kong. 🦍

It’s not that I’ll manage to do 100% of what I plan to, but I’ll adjust my expectations (or just let them be to feel bad about myself) in accordance to the situation. Also, counting every little achievement on the way makes them feel bigger than they actually are! 😬

Yeah, I’ll keep this one short. Don’t hesitate to give post suggestions on anything you’d like me to cover in detail, from all that mentioned here and that Resolutions post.

Till then, hold tight while I brew up something fresh (and much more interesting) the next month!

💨

Coping Mechanisms

Posted on June 23, 2020 by Samyak

I’d suggest you to skip to the section after the horizontal divider, just in case you lack the time to read too much detail about trivial stuff. If you are lazier, go straight to the next italicized paragraph. If you’re free, however, who am I tell you anything!?

I was feeling like shit by the evening. My PS-1 Quiz 2 finished, and I was the first one to submit it. Since I was fairly confident of what I wrote, in addition to the approval I got to most of the answers from the WhatsApp group we were discussing the answers in, I decided to turn in my quiz. People only managed to point out one thing that I got wrong. As I was feeling impatient, I promptly corrected it and waited for more corrections. Impatiently.

To my pleasure (?), I didn’t receive any corrections after this. So, I thought I’ve done well, that too without asking anything, and I submitted. What I got in return was shocking.

I scored 2.75 out of 5 in the quiz, which was horrendous. What’s more? One of the answers were marked wrongly, and to my dismay, only one of them. Hopefully, the answers will get regraded and I will get a 3.75. But hey, I am already lurking behind in my post-midsem grade. I’m getting an A- (which is not so common in our station, where most of the people are getting an A) and I again scored below average. Why below average, you ask? Well, well, you curious kid, all of these guys learned from my mistakes! In a sense, they used my dead body as a bridge to get across the pit of uncertainty of wrong options. And guess what? Most of them (for I don’t know about all of them) ended up with a 4 out of 5 in the same quiz. They will eventually get regraded to a perfect 5.

So, as I was saying, I was feeling like crap. Let’s replace the cuss words now so that I sound more educated. I was distressed. This was not the first time I did such a dumb thing (well, I still feel I wasn’t that dumb for this, but hey, I’ve stopped being too hard on myself), but it was my fault only, the mistakes I did in the quiz. I recalled all those times where I have fallen into similar situations, much more so recently. I recalled that evil laughter from some of my “well-wishers” which was more painful to my ears than a screeching piece of chalk. I started feeling worse about myself.

But this time, I took the leap. It’s a Monday, the “first” day of the week, so I decided to fix myself of my bad habits and jump into the things which have proven themselves to help me. I went to the TV, not for that fun and frolic show which makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but for that 15-minute HIIT workout I’ve been planning to do and have been slacking off for so long. This was the time. This was the time to fix things, to take revenge on myself.

After a long, long time, I decided to change the way I cope with problems. I didn’t try to comfort myself this time. I decided to punish myself the way I felt I deserved to be punished.

15 minutes of excruciating effort, an unbelievable amount of sweat dripping from my body and my long quarantine hair, partly due to the hot weather and partly due to the sheer effort I put in this workout. I’ve also grown a bit unfit since the lockdown, but please don’t judge me too hard. I was tired, but I continued. I started to fail out on the different varieties of push-ups towards the end, but I carried on. If I wasn’t able to go down for the full push-up, I stood up in a high plank. If I didn’t go for a full burpee, I did the beginner variant, but I carried on.

The last set of burpees was the second best thing that happened to me this month, the first one being all those nice birthday wishes I received two weeks ago (thank you once again!). I maxed out this time, wringing out all that I had in my body. That rage, I converted it into a perfect set of burpees, I finished my workout on a high. I exulted, I felt like a king. I did it. I made it. Most importantly, I recovered.

I’ve been pondering over this for a long time now. I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health and coping mechanisms and knowing oneself and what not, for the past 3 months or so. What gave me the power to share this, however, was the unfortunate incident that one of our rising Bollywood stars suffered. Since then, I’ve resolved to sort myself out and try to help others get sorted too. I’ve decided to work on this condition I’d been in, for years, and take help from you and know about others and myself in the process.

Coming back to the point, I think we are exposing ourselves to a wrong set of coping mechanisms. I repeat this again, mental health disorders are fairly new to us, indicating our mental unpreparedness for the lifestyles we are going through nowadays. Hence, it becomes crucial to look into what went wrong, what was it that we weren’t prepared for? What are some of the obvious stuff we are doing wrong, but is not so obvious anymore due to repeated exposure, a Stockholm Syndrome of sorts?

What I am about to say is purely my opinion, and I may be grossly incorrect here. But I’d like you to note it and point out any flaws that you may find.

For the most part, we very well know what we are doing wrong. It’s usually that we are too afraid to acknowledge it, in apprehensions of being mocked at by those around us. In a similar way, we know what we are doing right. When we do the right thing, we subconsciously crave for an award, a shoutout, an acknowledgement that makes us feel relevant, important and loved. Likewise, when we do the wrong thing, we crave punishment, we secretly feel we deserve to be scolded and shouted at. We want to get hurt so as to balance our wrongs. If done correctly, we get into this state of equilibrium, yet again.

Many times, nowadays, I have observed people getting too soft over what they do wrong. If people feel bad, they try hard to be not-so-hard on themselves. They take their mind off the situation, sweep it under a rug and keep on doing that till they are symptomatically relieved of their plight. If not all, they usually end up with the wrong coping mechanisms, something which leaves them even weaker. Maybe it is being reflected in our education system through special improvement classes for students and compulsory promotions in elementary school. All of this culminates to something worse than any of the previous situations combined! I’ve found myself guilty of doing so too, and I think you’ve come across it as well. Please bear in mind that I’m certainly not in favour of abusive behaviour. If by any chance, someone is a tad too guilty of their actions, climbing on their shoulders and shouting in their ears will do more harm than good. But a tendency of wrong → punishment and right → reward provides a tolerant, simple, easy to assimilate system of checks and balances. Therefore, we should find ways to punish ourselves in healthy ways, if we think there’s a need to do so.

If you have said bad things to your friend, push yourself to say sorry, to do something special for them. If you have cheated on your diet, punish yourself by working out extra. If you wasted too much time playing and having fun, feel free to feel guilty and get to work!

Everything bright and beautiful is not the reality we live in. There’s a natural balance of light and dark, happiness and sorrow, crests and troughs, feeling high and feeling like a trashcan. And I’m happy that it’s so. Imagine how bland life would be like if it were the utopia we dream of? Gah, no fun. Not at all!

Till then,
Breathe!

A recent visit to the Campus

Posted on May 13, 2020May 13, 2020 by Samyak

The weather was calm. I stood right in front of the main gate, with no one to accompany me. The mighty, ironclad gate which hosted a big “WELCOME” sign on top; who was it welcoming, though?

I don’t exactly remember when I entered the gate, made the entry and arrived near my hostel. All of this had become so second nature to me. But, well, here I was, on the middle of the road to our sister hostel, all the while looking with intent at my wing. I turned back: a familiar building on an elevated pavement with “LAUNDROMAT” written on top of it. How can something be so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time?

Ah! I realize what was it. The white bags full of washed clothes, of course, bearing names, IDs and room numbers in black or red with occasional appearances of green. The lack of some bags made it all so, strange.

I looked forward and glanced at my watch. 5 pm already. Where was all the crowd that used to chit-chat at the Redi and create all sorts of nuisance? I didn’t get the same welcoming feeling as I usually used to – neither there was the smiling father-and-son duo, nor the pungent smell of Maggi.

I stared at the iron grills wrapping our corridors. The beautifully designed grills, now held dark stains of dirty water on them. If you looked carefully, they were actually yellow in colour.

I don’t remember when did I reach the other side of the grill. The path is so much etched in my head. I probably took the shorter route through the bushes. I stood still outside a door, with inches of dust grinding under my feet. The door had, with cobs trying to conceal the red paint, the numbers 1111 on top of it. I recalled that this was my room.

I looked at the right side. A red Li-Ning badminton bag looked at me with longing, just like I was looking at it. The locks were, surprisingly, still more or less the same shining silver colour as they were. Stainless steel, as they say.

I clasped the iron frame outside my window gently. I withdrew my hand immediately and looked at the thick layer of dust on my hand. A moment later, I realized that I forgot the key to my room. In a gesture of surrender, I clasped it again, trying to peek through the half-closed curtains.

I saw my whiteboard, with markings in black ink I didn’t comprehend. There was my half-pulled bedsheet, which I had resolved to fix once I came back after the vacations, and on the table was my game controller and the cooling pad.

I saw my room. The controller seized all my attention. I moved back my gaze, now looking directly at my badminton bag. I moved back a little further, panned my head to see others’ locked rooms. A tear dropped down my left cheek, which I didn’t even realize before it fell down to the ground with a surprisingly noticeable thud. All of a sudden, a blinding white light shone at my eyes and I threw my hands in front of my face, in an attempt to block it.

It was 7:19 am on the clock already. My mother withdrew the curtains. I was surprised by the bright light which filled the room, that too so early in the day.

Looks like the days are getting longer.

Chernobyl and China

Posted on April 12, 2020 by Samyak

So, I happened to pick up a TV series after a long time. Not a sitcom, yet something I’ve longed to watch for months. The show: Chernobyl was in talks right after it was aired in 2019. Many of my friends recommended watching it, but I simply procrastinated.

Given the time we’re all mostly free, was there an excuse not to watch it? I started off yesterday, gulping down 3 episodes in quick succession. God knows when was the last time I focussed this hard for 3 hours straight!

The ambience, the cinematography, the characters, the depth of realism about every single thing in the show was so gripping, so chilling, so startling, that you can’t do anything but watch. Intently.

The show starts off with the hero, Prof Valery Legasov, hanging himself, after recording the famous audio cassettes of his commentary on the whole incident. In fact, I got acquainted with Dyatlov’s name before his own. The entire narration, from the first second, arrests you, and leaves you questioning quietly, “What’s next?”

Now, without spoiling much, all I’d say is – watch the goddamn show! But make sure you can stand the graphic content. There’s a lot of it. I have grown up with video games full of blood and gore and still found it hard to go through. All in all, it’s a tough watch, tougher than anything else I’ve ever watched.

Now, why am I writing all this?

At the time I am writing this, the scenario around us is altogether different from anything we’ve ever seen. So much so that I’m able to relate to some things which are being shown to the situation nowadays. “History repeats itself!” I say to myself.

Just as the Soviet Union tried hard to conceal all details regarding the specifics of what happened (till date), China has done the same. Communist governments, eh?

It also reminded us of the way the very scientists who put in their heart and soul into this very work all their lives are thrown out of picture when they are needed the most, leaving the power of decision-making and influencing to the hands of ill-informed ministers and bureaucrats, and wind up once they realise the situation is out of their hands. But it’s too late already!

It tells us to take care of the irreplaceable resources we have: intellectual humans, who can think (and that’s the most crucial thing in a panic-stricken situation) and provide unforeseen insights into problems. It also reiterates the fact that even if the economy can fall and revive, human life is limited. We cannot bring the dead to life, irrespective of the truckloads of cash we try to exchange it with.

It also makes us cringe to the core, about the ego-quenching decisions governments make to hide their flaws from the world. To be so consumed in the intoxication of nationalism, that they forget that they have countries and people around them as well. They forget that humanity comes first – that if you make citizens of two neighbouring nations stand next to each other, you cannot make out who’s from which side of the border.

A fun activity while you are still getting bored of being bored at home – watch the series and put China instead of USSR and amaze yourself.

And yeah, another thing. Aren’t we much, much, much better today? Just think about it. We as humans are not dealing with a vast, new, uninformed crisis for the first time in history. It’s about time to throw some of our less important desires out of the window and think about struggle – isn’t it an organised struggle that makes us so human?

Till then,

Stay safe.

Floating with the clouds

Posted on April 6, 2020April 6, 2020 by Samyak

So it has been a while since I have posted anything. Despite having so much time on my hands nowadays, I find it hard to sit down and write something down. I would justify this by saying that I have been doing more of information consumption than anything. I’ll let you know what I’ve been upto, well, soon enough…

So, more as a filler, I decided to post a little poem I wrote back as a pimply, lanky teen in class 8. I even used this poem in my elective’s (Creative Writing) assignment, and this fetched me a solid 9 out 10 😁. While I have lost most of the poems I wrote back in school, this one still remains. Why not see for yourself?

I lay down on the grass, blushing green
And stare up on the lingering clouds
I listen to the symphony of the dancing leaves
The nuances beneath, veiled by giant shrouds

Crisp teak soaked by the gentle sun
Flowers smelling faint somewhere by
The grass smelling fresh and green
As I lift my sight, up towards the seamless sky

Clouds roaming like happy kids of the sky
Basking in the sun’s gentle kiss
I stare, finding a part of myself there
As I heave deep sighs, of utter bliss

Growing a little dark, then brilliantly bright
As if what’s life’s all about
Warm, but there’s the stinging glare
Cold, but the air comforts it all out

Something more than the Palace’s comfort
Something more than the Maestro’s muse
The laziness seems to slow down the time
Just like the gushing winds, my thoughts cruise

Let me have the shade of trees, the cool breeze
Let me think it out all loud
Let me stay tranquilized, in my dreams
Let me float with my thoughts, and the floating clouds… ☁

Background: One fine afternoon, I am sitting at my home. I feel good about the weather, followed by a sudden, strong inspiration to write down something. And yeah, that’s pretty much it. I just love the feeling of getting in the zone and blurting out all that’s in my head. It lasts for a short while, but when done justice, leads to a result worth looking back. 😃

Sincere thanks if you have come this far without speed-scrolling! I have been working on some pretty cool things. Only if I can convince my lazy bum to get back to work before the lockdown period ends, I’ll present it to you soon!

Till then,

Breathe!

Quarantine survival kit

Posted on March 21, 2020April 10, 2020 by Samyak

You have only got once in a lifetime opportunity to stay at home, lying in front of the TV to save the world. Don’t screw this up!
-Some WhatsApp story

Hey!

Hope you are doing well.

Do I even need to tell you how bleeped up we are at this point in time? Have you ever seen something that motivated such mass action, let alone in your lives, but in your history books? So much so, that governments around the globe are pleading to people on their knees, to avoid going out and stay at home. Hell, they even cancelled F1! (Breaking news: Virtual Grand Prix!)

Well, it’s happening – all before our very eyes. We can have stories for a tragic novel set in a corona-stricken Venice! Just imagine telling your kids (rather emphatically) about how these times were like!

Even though there’s not a vaccine available so far, there’s a lot which can be done to contain it. Social distancing – I know this is the umpteenth time you are coming across this term today, but really, that’s our only hope right now!

But some things are easier said than done – and this is one of them. While you may feel suffocated inside your own home, there’s nothing much you can do. But once we habituate ourselves to the silence, things should get better, and you’ll make it through – you will find something or the other to while away your time. And that would suck too, well, at least a bit, if you waste it away entirely.

Learning from my past mistakes, I decided to make some use of this time. And guess what? Things have been going great so far! So, here’s a list of things I have been doing, probably you can try something out:

Exercising – To avoid making this year’s fitness resolutions harder to achieve, I am trying to stay in shape. While it may seem comfortable not to do anything but slouch on the couch watching Netflix, the body feels bad when the things are over. Needless to say, it also makes you look bad. I have also made a running group on WhatsApp with a cool name with friends, where we share our running stats of the day!
Reading – I was lagging behind my reading goals for this year. So, it was a golden opportunity to catch up on some reading.
Writing – I got off track during my midsem examinations. Got off schedule this week too, I’m a lazy bum, after all. But there are things queued up and ready to come in some time!
Resting – I felt pretty worked up for the past couple of months. Need to get into a schedule and give this mind a reboot. Other than wandering about YouTube, I am also watching random episodes of Tom and Jerry for probably the thousandth time.
Other cool stuff – I’m currently going through The Nature of Code. It basically involves making simple physics simulations on Processing. Wanted to do this for a long time. Keeping in mind my mistakes of the past, I am also pushing all my work to GitHub. I also deleted my Instagram account.

Here’s a bunch of cool resources which could help you get in the groove. It contains this list of companies that have made some of their services free of cost. Though their motive is understandable, for now, it’s a win-win for all of us!

(Note that I am not promoting any of the products in any manner. Not this time, at least!)

This is a limited offer. Codeacademy is offering its Pro membership to the first 10000 students who avail this offer. Codeacademy is a renowned platform to learn the basics of a variety of coding languages.
PluralSight is a coding platform with special emphasis on skill development for professionals. Nevertheless, I love its user interface. The service is FREE for the month of April! All you have to do is make a free account and reap the benefits.
Audible Stories – A collection of audiobooks for children and teens. It contains some fine classics too. You don’t even need an account to access these!
Scribd – A collection of books, audiobooks, PDF documents, music sheets and Snapshots (a collection of concise book summaries). I particularly like this because their accessible library is much bigger than audible at this point. They have kept a 30-day free trial on their services for this month.
Headspace‘s Weathering the Storm collection of guided meditations. They have also made their services free for students and school staff in the US, UK, Canada and Australia.
Adobe is giving 2-month access to Creative Cloud. Here’s a little article which shows you how to do it, just in case you’re interested.
Since MOOC platforms such as Coursera, edX have made a lot of their content free and accessible to a broad audience, you can head over to Class Central and choose your favourites among thousands of courses on dozens of MOOC platforms.
It’s a good time to learn a new language. There are dozens of high-quality, free apps such as Duolingo, Drops, Babbel and Beelinguapp which make learning fun and effective. Even though I have heard a lot about the other three, I have only tried learning French on Duolingo, so far. C’est tres bien!

Here’s a small list of interesting sources of information about the outbreak, which can give us a bird’s eye view on the situation and also things we should do at this point (and why):

Bill Gates has been actively involved with COVID-19 response by specifically pumping in $100M through his foundation. They recently conducted an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit, which is summarized here, in his blog. He answers several important-yet-unanswered questions which are lingering in the minds of many. (For those of you who don’t know, Bill said in his 2015 TED Talk that we were unprepared for a pandemic and that could cause worldwide distress, something which is happening right now!)
This article by Elemental can help you distinguish between the seasonal flu and Covid-19.
Kurzgesagt’s video on how coronavirus spreads and what can we do about it. They are widely known for their amazing illustrations and reliable sourcing of information.
An interesting (yet insightful) video by Mark Rober, who shows how easily germs (in our case, the virus) spread, and also how important it is to wash hands.
Imperial College London’s course on Coursera about the science behind the disease; this is a tad formal as compared to the ones mentioned above.

I’d be very grateful if you can tell me some other services/resources which could help people with their current, strangely-closeted lives. It’s a crucial time, and we need to hold back our temptations and act with caution. There’s so much on this list already that you won’t need anything else to do if you populate your day well enough. And yeah, there’s always the option to fall back to your bed and get some shut-eye!

So, here we go. This was an attempt to collect useful stuff, and it did take a lot of time to research and document. I’ll try to keep this space as up-to-date as possible. We have some 10 days before getting back to college and sure, we can do a whole lot before going back.

Till then,

Wash your hands!

Interesting content #1

Posted on March 8, 2020March 20, 2020 by Samyak

So, mid-semester exams just got over. I am finally a free bird – not for too long, though. But I’ll prefer to enjoy the freedom while it lasts.

I hurried back home as soon as I was done with the last exam. Hurried back like a fish flutters to go back to its water. I was so, so suffocated.

I want to get back on things now. Have a lot of things on my platter. At the same time, some rest, mental and spiritual, is required.

My first day was spent watching a wholesome lot of YouTube videos. The best part is – this comes after a week of restraint, thanks to the busy midsem times! I recalled that YouTube has really given me so much to think about. It’s hard to imagine how would life be like without watching all the wholesome stuff it has offered me over the years!

To my amusement, I was exposed to 5 new high-quality videos today itself. Here are the YouTube links for the same.

Should I wait until I’m smarter to read difficult novels?
A very insightful video by one of the most charismatic YouTube book reviewers I’ve come across. For those who are into reading literature, I’d highly recommend his channel!
Nike: Find Your Greatness
This is their 2012 ad campaign and easily one of my favourites. The cinematography, the narration, the models, everything is just so spot on. For some reason, I came close to welling up.
Why new diseases keep appearing in China
Warning: Fish-market-level graphic content. View with discretion. Probably you know the answer. Understanding how and where this virus comes from will help us take care of us. Spread the word and prevent mishaps like these from happening. A slightly disgusting, but important watch.
Unfolding the first trifold phone
But I love to see that China is still on the edge of innovation (they have been this way for thousands of years! Tea, silk, paper; hello?). I am so much pumped up about foldable phones and the potential they hold. Just imagine one of these in your hands, and then in the hands of everyone around you. We are probably not very far away from seeing this!
Shooting a Video with a World War 1 Lens (100 years old)
This got my thoughts running. The lens has seen so much. Mathieu also takes us to Vienna’s Central Cemetery, the biggest in the world. Heavy stuff. A lot of subtleties to take in.

If they are anything of some value to you, maybe do this on a regular basis? I love to share such content with my friends. If you like it, I can share and discuss a lot more, across a variety of media (podcasts, blogs, etc.). Like I said, there’s a lot on my platter!

Till then,

Breathe!

A super cheesy poem

Posted on February 14, 2020February 14, 2020 by Samyak

Hi!

Here’s a little poem I wrote, back in November. It was 3 a.m., and I, half asleep, half unwilling to sleep, felt like writing something. Under the soothing glow of my yellow lamp, I took a notebook and started penning down whatever I had in mind.

This is one of the most spontaneous poems I’ve ever written. In less than 10 minutes, with just a single correction, I was simply taken aback. Well, the best ideas come at night, I recalled, reaffirmed.

Thanks to my sheer carelessness, one of my friends caught hold of it and leaked it to some other friends. The embarrassment that ensued deserves a poem of its own!

Well, now that it’s up online, the pressure to hide has gotten off my chest! And yeah, what could be a better time to share this than the cheesiest of days – the day you question your existence as a single kid (“Alexa, play ‘How Long’ by Charlie Puth”), and say to yourself, “Agla Valentine’s phodenge,” and then secretly cry in disbelief…

I wrote this poem in Hindi (sorry to some out there). Translating it would steal the fun out of it. Also, I am too lazy, duh.

दुविधा

क्यों चाहता हूँ इतना तुझे
मेरा मन यह पूछे मुझे

सोचता रहूं, जागता रहूं,
यूँ ही करवटें पलटते
आखिर क्या ढूढ़ता है यह मन,
उन्हीं रास्तों पर चलते

ऐसा क्या ही छिपा होगा तुझमें
जिसकी रहा हूँ बरसों से तलाश में
चिंता हटे, दुविधा छटे
आगे बढ़े मेरा समय, और काश मैं

कौन का जवाब तो है अब मेरे पास
क्यों का जवाब, फिर भी नहीं
लेकिन एक बात तो हो गयी है तै
तेरा सच में जवाब नहीं।

Also, apologies for not being able to post on a regular basis (as if you bother :P). I have come up with some things, but some of them require finishing, others are scheduled for later publishing. Some of the things are too crappy to be shared, others are badly timed. Well, I’ll try to improve!

Till then,
Breathe!

Clearing off my reading list

Posted on December 25, 2019January 1, 2020 by Samyak

The air was cold. The ambience, quiet. You could hear the footsteps of people walking down the street, even determine the number of people walking together. The figure didn’t exceed three.

Christmas is not celebrated with much rigour here. People take this opportunity to relax – wrapped in their beds, either sleeping or using their phones, or maybe watching one of those Christmas movies which makes them feel warm and fuzzy in the comfort of their blankets, all of which makes them appreciate the holiday season for the hibernation period it is supposed to be.

My mind, however, was in altogether a different tone. If the net heat of the world was a zero-sum commodity, my brain would have had a monopoly. “HOLD ON, KID! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THERE?” As if someone roared beside me.

The voice roared again. “DO YOU EVEN REALISE WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? DO YOU EVEN REALISE THE TOTAL WORTH OF THIS COLLECTION? DO YOU EVEN REALISE HOW STUPID WOULD IT BE TO DELETE A BOOK AND DOWNLOAD IT AGAIN? DO YOU EVEN…”

I chuckled. This was not the first time it had happened. Whenever I deleted a photo from my phone, whenever I ran the occasional scans to clean my phone up, this voice whispered. It sounded annoying but friendly. As if someone was trying to help you.

But it actually didn’t.

I realised this when I stumbled upon this idea of ‘paradox of choice’. The more choices we have, the more time we’d spend choosing, the lesser time we have living with our choice. It makes sense that way. But wouldn’t you like it if your nearest ice-cream parlour gave you more flavours to choose from?

That’s where I got wrong. I mistook the residue of books that I had (as I am courageous enough to call them now) as important. But I realised, if I hadn’t started reading, all of these books, no matter how expensive, how great they were, would have been immaterial to me.

I ‘started’ some 20 books in the last (and first) 6 months, of which, there were barely 4-5 books that I managed to read in full. I went through the first 20 pages, sometimes as much as 150, when a sudden change in schedule messed things up for me. I failed and never got back on the book. This had become a rather frustrating habit.

And it was not the question of enjoyment. I enjoy almost every other book I pick up. I left with grace the books I didn’t enjoy, for the time being. Leaving the books I especially enjoyed, though, filled me with amazingly deep guilt.

It had become a bad habit, and I had to get my way through this somehow.

I am really seeing the upcoming year as a new year, much newer than usual. It’s 2020, after all. Start of a new decade, end of a rollercoaster one. A new decade, beginning with a leap year. That happens once in 20 years! Added to that would be the onset of adult life for us, we will all be here, leaving our childhood behind. Do you realise the gravity of that? Remember the time you left your homes (if you did), and came to a place you’re unaware of, away from the comfort of your homes? You have heard things about the place before, but you haven’t experienced things so far.

I have been dead serious about changing this year. I am ready to pull off any radical decisions that I need to make in this regard. I believe what I do this year will set a course for the following few years, which can be the most impactful years of my life!

Okay, I think I made myself clear on the novelty factor, so…

As a ceremonial way to giving a fresh start, I decided to clear off all the e-books I had on my phone. I don’t usually read paperbacks due to, well, issues. We’ll talk about it later.

I selected each of the 23 books I had, one by one, keeping in mind that I was probably seeing them for the last time, trying to recall as much of the content I could remember. I gulped hard. Horror-stricken, I tapped on the bin shaped icon at the top right corner.

And boom! The phone, the mind, cleared off dues, digital and psychological.

The college dues still remain, though!

Why I decided to blog (and why should you)

Posted on December 23, 2019January 1, 2020 by Samyak

Hey there!

Before starting off, let me tell you that this was a HUGE leap of faith for me. All I wish I could put that ‘huge’, huge enough to put things to perspective! A few hours ago, at the time of making this site public, I was jumping around my room like a 5-year old kid (it would have surely looked amusing!). I was that excited. Let me tell you – I still am, not very clear of what I am going to post, that I only have a rough idea of things to follow. But I always wanted to write in length and share interesting stuff, perhaps meeting interesting people with common interests in the way. Hence, this blog.

It all begins with me starting to write these little ‘articles’ I made up for myself, back in November 2018, in my hostel room, hiding all I wrote from my roommate (sorry, Varun) and everyone else who simply barged in. I had this tinge of an idea of sharing what I write. I soon discarded it though. At that time, neither was I on Instagram nor did I use Facebook regularly. All I had was YouTube, and I spent hours and hours, exploring new content, wondering how people are so good at expressing themselves. I saw people from all walks of life – engineers, doctors, freelancers; putting out how were they living their lives, basically. It was all too fascinating for me; a breath of fresh air from all the video lectures and tutorials I had been surrounded by for the past couple of years.

I was that boy in my home who marvelled at Sachin Tendulkar and aspired to become like him – only to realise that I was a horrible batsman. So, it was natural for me to secretly aspire to be a vlogger, or something on those lines, after watching these YouTube creators putting out such splendid content. But the lack of equipment and experience with video pushed me to writing as my only resort. I saw this as a way to share my everyday experiences in a new light for people who weren’t living the way I was. Not that my life is very interesting, but I felt like this new college life was way more happening than the (comparatively) mundane life that a class 12th JEE aspirant has.

In this bright sky of newfound optimism, however, there still were greys of doubt such as:

Why should I even write!?
What would I write?
What would I get out of writing all this crap?
Would you judge me? (I know you are doing that right now!)

The more time I put into thinking about this, the clearer things started becoming.

Among all the reasons I thought of, these were the most solid ones:

Remembering things

On the internet, you consume a lot of material. Be it through news, blogs, videos, social media feeds – you basically become an information crunching machine (at least you feel that way, don’t you?). And if I ask you this – if you find something amazing that you would like to tell your friends in person, how many times did you forget it? The answer would most probably disappoint you. (unless you are not one of those average creatures who spends 4 hours a day staring blankly at a five-point-five-inch screen!)

So, as a medium to save all that I see, hear and feel, I needed a place to collect these things together. I had a strong desire to remember and document my life, and this was indeed one of the ways to do so. It is often said that describing is the best way to remember something, so why not?

Improving writing quality

As I talked about my fondness to write, I decided to give writing a serious shot. Not that I want to pursue a career of some sorts (at this moment!), I just wanted to improve my writing skills. Having an extra set of skills along with your specialisation doesn’t hurt! Writing with some stranger’s eyes on your work could force you to improve the quality manifold. And being an introvert with a doofenshmirtzic personality (yes, I spent time making that up…), the written word is my most reliable tool for communication!

Developing accountability

I would be sharing some things I am up to, trying to achieve something I didn’t have a long-term motivation for. Sharing it here, on this platform, would make my readers aware that I am pursuing this particular goal. Having this thought would motivate me further to do the thing I have always wished to do, but never have gone past the pain of actually realising it.

Having a personal space

I have always longed to enjoy my own space on the internet. I could have done all that jazz I am doing right now on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook as well. But, to be frank, I don’t like using social media (more on that later). This space can serve as the quiet nook I had always dreamt of, being the king of my little castle I made with my own hands, sharing stuff only with those who really care to see my stuff. (very punny indeed). I know that there won’t be many people who will follow this blog; but that’s good, in a way… I mean…

As a ‘passion project’

I stumbled across this video in my YouTube feed, which pointed me to this TED Talk. Shortly afterwards, I stumbled upon this post, leading me to this book. This really made me think hard – for weeks, in fact. Why was I doing the things I was doing? What if I longed to do something, but failed to do because there wasn’t any time left? I have had run into such situations, far too many times, and this time really didn’t want to miss out on doing something like that. I mean, why not give it a shot, while you can!? It’s winter vacations, after all, and I think this is a better use of my time than morbidly swiping my thumb up my Instagram feed, with TV playing that little bit of something-something in the background, to ward off signs of potential loneliness.

So yeah, there’s that. These were my reasons why I decided to come out of my closet. Probably you resonate with me at some points, and that’s why I encourage you to make your personal space as well. I mean, it’s fun so far. You should try it once! Make sure to share me the link of your online residence, lest you decide to make one! I’d love to hear from you, be it in the comments (we’d have a good discussion in the comments!) or perhaps in a more private space. Let me know if you want to see a part of this post in detail, as a separate post, in the future.

Till then,
Breathe!

My First Blog Post

Posted on November 15, 2019December 21, 2019 by Samyak

Lights out, and away we go!
Crofty

Hi! This is Samyak, but I guess you know that already. This is going to be my first ever blog post and am I super excited to actually do something I’ve been wanted to do badly for more than an year now!
A new, introductory post will be coming out soon, which tells why I decided to open this blog. So, stay tuned!

Imposter’s Syndrome? | Samyak's Blog on Why did I choose a Minor in FinanceOctober 30, 2020
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[…] a screenshot of my ongoing list of New Year’s Resolutions (not kidding, I’m still sticking with […]
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Glad to hear 🙂
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Very useful
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[…] – To avoid making this year’s fitness resolutions harder to achieve, I am trying to stay in shape. While…

A random day in an online semester

Posted on December 1, 2020December 1, 2020 by Samyak

I’ve been trying all morning to get up and get to studying. Not many days remain before my final exams begin. But like many others out there, I had a nagging feeling of being saturated today. As though my WhatsApp group chat screamed pain, in silence.

I didn’t feel like studying. Even my head started aching after all that mental wrestling going on between my body and my mind about being at least a bit more productive and get to the preparation. I fell back to the bed and fell asleep; woke up an hour later.

I think that I’m having the first signs of a burnout — that too, at a juncture where not many days remain for this semester to end. I decided to take action against it, instead of letting it pass just like that. Because I’ve tried enduring the pain without doing nothing — it didn’t serve me well the last time.

It should be obvious by now that simply letting it be doesn’t solve the problem. I need to take some action for or against the flow of things. For a time as stagnant-seeming as this, we need to get ourselves together and embark on a different kind of journey. As we get rid of an absence of light by light, we need to get rid of an absence of motion by moving, even if it seems a little hard to start with.

I’d be pelted stones at my face for this. But I’d been enjoying my time at home until recently. But then happened an extraordinary event; the death of my uncle, which did shook me, but left me with a new perspective about life. It made me think that the question of mortality that I’ve been thinking about all this year — it was testifying itself. That we actually had a limited number of days at our disposal, but we really don’t know how many. That it’s better to be mindful and live the present instead of dwelling over past happenings or let the worries of our uncertain future take over our minds.

Amidst this idea, I was living my life at peace at my home. I was perceived as someone strange by my very best friends. They’ve been facing all the consequences that a time like this could bring to their minds, and it was hard for them to see through the fact that they should instead be happy for what they’ve been getting so far. Many of them been going out in their cars, hanging out with other friends, enjoying a nice workout, chilling through some movies, and having the necessary support with several people who were against the brutish measures the institute laid out for evaluation.

Now after some writing, I have decided to get back to ground zero and take action. I’ve decided to keep flowing in a time of stagnation. There are no hard-bound deadlines for us to follow right now, so we have to make our own. We need to take out our planners and to-do lists and battle out this stillness, while its always there for us to pause and reflect on the nuances of life. We need to diversify — our passions, our friends, our experiences; so that we run at a lesser risk of loss if any of our systems break down. We need to learn — learn to make quick decisions, and even learn to learn better through the powerful medium of the internet; because there are a LOT of things that deserve our attention, but haven’t been able to make it to our focal points because of our busy routines.

I’ll be fleshing out on more of these nuances later on, but right now I’m running short on time. I still don’t know what was the objective of writing this much in spontaneity, but hopefully this serves as a trailer for more things that one could expect from this medium from me; apart from the usual clarity of mind that awaits me at the end of this page.

Let’s get back to work! 💪